


Kick me like a Stray

by sandtiago



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, One Shot, Sleepy Boys, WEREWOLFBUR, wilbur has the phases of the moon memorised because why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-19 10:33:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29624934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandtiago/pseuds/sandtiago
Summary: Being a Werewolf was hard.But being a Minecraft Youtuber was so much harder.ORWilbur tries to hide his monthly affliction during a surprise visit from the Sleepy Boys.[Title is from 'House of Wolves' by MCR]
Comments: 7
Kudos: 88





	Kick me like a Stray

Being a werewolf was hard.

But being a Minecraft youtuber was so much harder.

Wilbur Soot had been a werewolf since he was eight years old. All it took was one night hike with his stupidly active parents gone wrong. He’d strayed from the trail, only realizing it was a full moon after he was well and truly lost.

He was found by his aunt two days later, severely mauled with no memory of the time that had passed.

Wilbur was 24 now, and honestly? Being a creature of a night was mostly a small inconvenience. There were perks, of course, such as the dramatic increase in his strength and speed as a human. That’d won him a lot of first places in primary school sports days. Will could also turn into a smaller and somewhat weaker version of his wolf form anytime he liked, which wasn’t that often.

The only real downside was turning into a bloodthirsty monster every 29.5 days.

It was almost time, actually. Last night was the final night of Waxing Gibbous moon phase, tonight would be the full extent. He still had to replace the chains in his panic room.

Will made sure to never make plans in the three days of the full moon. But apparently someone didn’t get the memo.

The click of his pen soothed Will’s nerves as he crossed off a day from his ‘Phases of the Moon’ calendar. It was decorated with a stupid smiling cartoon moon, with a stupid cartoon wolf howling on a stupid rock. It was also the best moon calendar he could get for 2 pounds.

His phone buzzed. Shit, was he supposed to be on Tommy’s stream?

‘hey, u free?’

Honestly, you would never have guessed Techno was an English major. It was pretty unusual to hear from him this late in the morning, almost noon.

Will quickly formed a reply. ‘yeah, why?’

Techno didn’t bother answering, opting to call.

“Hellooo.” Techno’s voice was laced with the usual monotone, but Wilbur could hear a different emotion. The benefits of being a dog, he supposed. Maybe excitement?

“Hey, dude. What’s up?” Wilbur replied neutrally. He wasn’t sure if Techno was streaming, and what other reason would the Blood God call for? 

“Hi, um. Tommy wants to ask if he has an umbrella he can borrow. Apparently, I’m getting sunburned.”

Ok, it was a fucking weird bit, but he would go with it. 

Will could hear snickers in the background the longer he waited. Tommy was definitely listening on, and even Phil sounded like he was trying to hold back laughter. Hmm. A Sleepy Boys stream wasn’t what he had in mind, but it would get him off the hook for a few days.

“Tell him to be more specific. Would you like a classic umbrella? Travel sized? A parasol? I have lots of them.”

A pause, and vague mutterings in the background. To anyone else it would be inaudible, but Wilbur could clearly hear the bickering through the reciever.

“He wants to know what kind.”   
“Wait, wait, just describe the one in his window.”

Wilbur’s stomach dropped. He held the phone closer to his ear, hoping it was just a ploy to freak him out.

“Uuuuuh, just a classic one. It you have any ugly brown ones with a nauseous yellow pattern just laying around, we can take that one.”

Wilbur swallowed.

Of course they’d come today. 

OF ALL THE FUCKING DAYS.

In a panic, Wilbur hung up. His mind began to race through solutions. The house was too messy, he was a restless sleeper, he had no backyard to do anything funny in so of course they couldn’t stay at his house.

The doorbell rang. Was it just him, or did it sound like the howl of a wolf?

Dreading every moment, Wilbur took his time answering. Before he opened the door, Wilbur tried to clear his expression of absolute horror. It would be fun, for the first few hours at least. He picked up the umbrella he’d left on the floor.

They were there. Three of his best friends, standing on his dirty concrete porch.

Wilbur had never met Technoblade in real life, but he could identify him immediately. Tall, lanky, wore glasses, pale and awkward. Tommy and Phil were more familiar to his eye, and his nose. 

Yeah, he knew it sounded creepy, but Wilbur knew their scents off by heart. Techno was a new fragrance to add to his collection. He smelled vaguely rust-like, quite a strong metallic feel to it. Tommy smelled strongly like salt and Phil smelt like burnt toast.

Not sure how to react, Will pretended it was a bit. He held out the umbrella for Techno to take, then stepped back inside and shut the door.

He could hear the laughter emanating from behind the door, and immediately opened it back up again and joined in with a smile.

“Holy shit! You’re here! Let me tell you I thought I was going fucking insane.” Wilbur laughed, wondering if he should hug Techno. He didn’t seem like a hugger, so he led them inside. “Sorry, my house is kind of messy, I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

The constant inner monologue of ‘SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT-“ was broken as Wilbur’s nerves began to calm. His eyes flickered to the calendar hanging just above his streaming desk opposite his couch and the three bright red circled days. Labelling them ‘FULL MOON’ and underlining it twice was perhaps a little overkill, but you could never be too prepared.

“It’s good to see you, too. You up for a vlog?” Techno asked, politely pretending not to notice the mess.

Will was about to reply “NO FUCK OFF PLEASE AND THANK YOU” before Tommy interrupted. 

“Woah, man, you got a dog?” Tommy asked, gesturing to a stash of tennis balls and dog toys poorly hidden. Hey, he was only human.

“I’m more of a cat person, actually.” Wilbur replied, bone-dry as he tried not to laugh at his little inside joke.

“I wouldn’t have guessed. It smells like updog in here.”

Nobody fell for Tommy’s bait, and after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence the flow of conversation resolved.

“I was actually planning to have a few nights in. Got this whole ARG thing planned, actually.” The pre-recorded videos on his hard drive were a godsend every month as well as the added bonus of it giving people things to obsess over.

“Oh, sweet. You know, the Airbnb we rented backs into a forest, you could do some stuff there.” Phil spoke, seemingly thrilled to just be included.

“Oh! That’s fantastic. Thank you.” Will tried not to grit his teeth. He would come during the daylight, just to be nice.

“Great! It’s kinda far from here but through the city, so we can vlog lunch or some shit. You know how thirsted people are for Technoblade content.” Phil grinned, before standing up. 

“Do you guys need anything before we get going? You must be tired Techno, you haven’t slept since we picked you up from the airport.” 

The taller man shrugged. “I hibernated for like, fifteen hours before this. I’m all good.”

Tommy grinned, rubbing his hands together. “Race you all to that fountain I jumped in!”

Wilbur smiled. “I was born in that fountain, you were merely adopted.”

The teen’s face dropped. “That’s not the quote.” 

“I’m sorry son, we didn’t mean for you to find out this way.” Phil jumped in, clearly enjoying himself.

“You know, thirty eight percent of adopted children are orphans.” Wilbur watched with glee as Techno pulled out a plastic diamond sword from his backpack.

Tommy bolted out the door, and the rest followed at a regular walking pace.

6:42pm.

That was the sunset time. Will knew because he’d checked it about an hour ago.

The moon didn’t affect Wilbur until the sunset. Why? He had no fucking idea, but he knew that it was 6:40 right now and he had two minutes to get the hell out of there.

This was difficult, as Tommy had locked the door from the outside and wouldn’t fucking let Wilbur leave.

“Please, Tom, I really have to go.” As Wilbur spoke, he inspected exit points. The house was extremely old, with white pillars everywhere and newly barred windows.

One minute.

“Why, you got a girlfriend?” Tommy said teasingly, grasping the keys. He was standing on the other side of the large table. Any way Wilbur moved, he would infuriatingly move the opposite.

“Tommy don’t be stupid, you will regret it. Give me the keys, I really need to leave.” The urgency of his situation reflected in the tone of his rising voice.

Techno was watching with much interest, but Wilbur could hear Phil recognise the fear in his voice. “Let him go, Tommy.”

The teen hesitated, which gave Wilbur enough time to leap over the table and knock him to the ground. He would apologise for the inhuman display later. Will could feel himself slipping, the wolf inside him trying to bite and claw and tear chunks out of Tommy.

No. Tommy wouldn’t go through the same thing he did.

In a split-second decision, Will stood up. The beautifully carved white wooden doors leading to the backyard were the closes exit now, and without a second thought he barrelled straight through them.

The wood splintered with ease, but a quick glance back told him that the doors hadn’t even come off their hinges. Other than the giant hole, they were closed and mostly intact.

It was too late to get home now. To get to his panic room in the basement. Running faster than he ever had before, Will could feel the terrain change under his bare feet from a travelled path into an uncharted territory.

It had been his favourite sensation since he was eight, running. Even in tense moments like this, the activity filled him with childish glee.

And then he looked up. Right into the moon.

The transformation wasn’t painful, it never was. Wilbur had always suspected that if he could have watched it, it would have been graceful. But the realisation that for a full twelve hours, he would be in the backseat of his mind, was. As a full-moon induced werewolf, Wilbur was completely controlled and guided by a separate being with only animal instincts. That meant if any of his friends followed him, he would eat them without a second thought. And he would feel it too, he would relish the sensation of his hunger being satiated.

This was not a perk of being a wolf.

Wilbur watched as the wolf got its bearings. As soon as it noticed it wasn’t in the usual position, chained in a dark room with harsh lights shining down and a hunk of beef until the door unlocked, it let out an almost malicious growl.

As well as being a ruthless killing machine, Wilbur’s full moon induced wolf state was the size of a grizzly bear. The wolf was stronger, faster, with more enhanced senses. And to top it off, this wolf got yellow eyes, while Wilbur’s wolf got his normal brown.

And just to rub it in, this wolf was smarter than the average human.

So what does a maliciously dick-headed wolf do when it realises the one place that its human nemesis does not want it to go is not that far away?

It goes there! 

Oh God. Wilbur’s friends were about to die, and it was because of him. Well, it was because of Tommy, but was there anything that wasn’t Tommy’s fault?

But the wolf hadn’t even began to run before it stopped.

Without a care in the world, Technoblade blocked the path, a raw potato in hand.

The pale, lanky, and usually awkward Minecraft Youtuber didn’t seem surprised.

“You know Wilbur, I had my suspicions.” He smiled, wagging a finger at the giant wolf. “The full moon calendar really was excessive.”

The wolf growled menacingly, and Wilbur wanted to murder Technoblade. But not in like, an eat-him way, more like a WHY-ARE-YOU-NOT-RUNNING-AWAY way.

“I get it. The big guy is impatient. But this is going to hurt you much more than it’s going to hurt me.” Techno said, before launching the potato at the wolf’s head.

Wow, fantastic move.

The wolf ran at him. Wilbur wanted to close his eyes, but it was plastered in his brain.

And suddenly he was flying back into the clearing.

Shocked, Wilbur tried to piece the events together. Techno had just punched him, punched the wolf, and it fucking HURT. The force had thrown him into the dirt.

“I really thought you’d be better at puzzles, Wilbur. Maybe I should do one of those conspiracy videos like your Editor Wilbur stuff.”

Wilbur still didn’t get it. How the hell was Techno not hurt, abused, mauled, bleeding out, bitten, dead, or dying?

Oh.

Maybe he was dead.

The wolf stood up and charged once more. This time it was a shove, and the force of Werewolfbur smashing into a tree shook the ground.

“Have you ever really seen me sleep? Everytime you’ve texted, called or pinged me at 3am I’ve answered immediately, unless I didn’t want to. You ever heard me talk about food? I LITERALLY TOLD YOU I SLEPT AT A CEMETARY AND YOU LAUGHED.” 

The constant quips followed by violence seemed to be rubbing off on the wolf. Wilbur could feel one of his ribs was cracked, but it would heal before the night was over.

Unfortunately, the wolf learned as he did. It growled, and circled Techno as he stepped in closer to the clearing.

“We’re supposed to be enemies, Will. Have you even watched Twilight?”

The wolf feigned charging, just to see how Techno would react. He didn’t flinch.

“But I don’t think that’s true. We’re friends. The only person I have a problem with is THIS VAZEY BOBOLYNE OF AN ANIMAL!”

Techno’s punches seemed to be getting harder, and more painful, but Wilbur was more caught up on that phrase.

“Sorry, 1800s insults come out when I’m annoyed.” Techno sighed. “I could do this all night, but I really don’t want to, so if you’ll please forgive me.”

The next time the wolf was flung back, Techno followed. It was terrifying how fast he was, but Wilbur appreciated it. The vampire shoved Werewolfbur’s head to the ground with one hand as he fished around in his other pocket.

After what felt like hours, Techno pulled out a fistful of a small, purple plant. 

“I found this in your neighbour’s garden, I hope you don’t mind.” Techno said, and without hesitation he shoved the plant down Wilbur’s throat. Both of them gagged.

The result wasn’t instant. It bordered on minutes, and just as Techno made a disapproving sound the burning sensation set in.

It felt like a reverse transformation. Very painful, and probably not at all delicate. Wilbur’s whines turned into groans as he shrunk.

Vaguely aware that he may be naked, Wilbur looked down. Oh. The same clothes he’d been wearing the whole day, complete with splinters in his hair. That never happened when the sun came up.

Will didn’t know what to do, so he grinned at Techno, and declined his offer of a hand pulling him to his feet. The rib was still broken, and considerably more painful in his human form.

“So, was the Blood God moniker another clue? Also, I’ve always wanted to know if people have different flavours.”

Techno suddenly seemed embarrassed. “No, I just thought it sounded cool. And I’m not answering that.” The vampire stretched.

“I hope you know that in my centuries of age and experience shoving that aconite down your throat was the most disgusting think I’ve ever done.” He gagged once more.

“Aconite?”

“Also known as Aconitum, or Wolfsbane. Part of the Ranunculaceae genera. You really didn’t know it helped?”

Wilbur shook his head and let out a small laugh. “That’ll be useful. Before we go back, I want to ask if anyone else has any more secrets they’d like to share with the class.”

Techno looked confused.

“He may be a vampire with super strength, but I could smell you from the moment you followed him into this clearing.” Wilbur shifted his position, let out a small wince of pain.

Ashamed, Phil stepped out first. Tommy followed with an indignant expression.

“MORE OF A FUCKING CAT PERSON, EY? THAT IS THE WORST POSSIBLE JOKE YOU COULD HAVE MADE HONESTLY WHY DID YOU MAKE A FUCKING PUN-“ 

Tommy’s rant was cut off as Phil put a hand on his shoulder. The elder man stepped forward.

“You had me fooled, Wilbur. And I should have guessed Techno.” Phil clapped slowly. Wilbur glanced at Techno, who seemed utterly shellshocked.

“Wh- Why aren’t you freaking out?” He asked. But Wilbur already knew. He should have known ages ago, just from the scents.

Tommy’s indignance was replaced with a wide smile. “Vhat, are vou govin to suck my blood? You want me to spell it out for you? I AM A B-A-A-N-S-C-H-I-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E”

Phil looked at him, surprised at the discovery. “How many E’s do you think there are in Banshee?”

“Eight.” Tommy replied confidently. Nobody corrected him.

Techno looked at the other stowaway. “Phil?”

Phil turned red as the attention moved to him. “I would rather not say.”

Wilbur grinned. “If you don’t I will. You have a very distinct scent, Tinkerbell.”

Tommy’s eyes widened. “You’ve got to be kidding me. PHILZA MINECRAFT IS A FAIRY?”

“I am a FAE, but yes.” Phil’s embarrassment was clear as three grins reflected from every side. He raised a hand to the back of his head.

“OH MY GOD, I’m going to have so much fun with this I can’t wait to drop subtle hints that PHILZA MINECRAFT CAN DO MAGIC-“

“Why don’t you step into this circle of mushrooms and green grass, Tommy?” Phil narrowed his eyes, the circle seemingly appearing from nowhere.

“I bet he wishes he could, TOMMY DON’T EVEN LOOK AT THAT FAIRY RING, but it seems as if we have to repair a door before 8AM tomorrow.” Wilbur said, easing his way into a standing position.

“How hard could it be when we have the help of a fairy, a banshee, a vampire and a werewolf? I usually don’t advocate chaos outside Minecraft but we should go out and mess this city up.” Techno said dryly, his shock seemingly replaced with mischief.

“Race you all to the nearest under eighteen club!” Tommy yelled, before taking off. 

The three adults looked at each other.

“Werewolves are faster than vampires and faries.” Will said, a grin starting to form on his face.

“I can literally fly, eat my dust.” Phil glanced at the pair.

“Bet.” Techno said, before taking off into the night, Wilbur following in tow.

Maybe being a werewolf wasn’t that hard.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I hope you guys enjoyed. I'm not going to make any more chapters for this, it was just kind of a fun little fic I got the idea for while I was staring at my ceiling. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)


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